How to Train Your Dragon A to Z: An I Can Read Fan-Fiction
by Emachinescat
Summary: Parody of an A-Z children's book; the alphabet How to Train Your Dragon style."A is for Alvin, the most treacherous of men, with a hook for a hand and warts on his skin..." Silliness with a pinch of cleverness. Based on the book series. SPOILERS!
How to Train Your Dragon A-Z: An I Can Read Fan-Fiction by Emachinescat

A How to Train Your Dragon Fan-Fiction

SUMMARY: Parody of an A-Z children's book; the alphabet How to Train Your Dragon style."A is for Alvin, the most treacherous of men, with a hook for a hand and warts on his skin..." Silliness with a pinch of cleverness. Based on the book series.

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 **A/N: It has been forever since I've posted something here on ... but I've had good reason, I believe, seeing as I was finishing up my master's in creative writing, and then I got married a few weeks ago... but I'm trying to get back in the groove of things, writing-wise.  
**

 **For those of you who are following any of my other stories, they will be continued soon, and I apologize for the unprecedented hiatus.**

 **But for now, this little fella has been a long time coming. I've recently been swept away by these amazing books, and I wanted to do something similar to what I did a few years ago for _Merlin_... make it an ABC book. :)**

 **Enjoy, and please review!**

 **-Oh, and it should go without saying, but SPOILERS for pretty much the entire book series! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!-**

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 **How to Train Your Dragon A to Z: An I Can Read Fan-Fiction**

 _A_ is for _Alvin_ , the most treacherous of men,  
With a hook for a hand and warts on his skin.

 _B_ is for _Berk_ , the Hairy Hooligans' home,  
They didn't mean to come here, but now they'll never go.

 _C_ is for _Camicazi_ , the wee Bog Burglar heir,  
She can pick any lock, but never picks through her hair.

 _D_ is for the _Dragon Furious_ , blinded by grief and hate,  
The leader of the Dragon Rebellion, he fights against his fate.

 _E_ is for Eggingarde, what a brave little slave,  
She lives within her stories to keep the monsters at bay.

 _F_ is for Fishlegs, our hero's best friend,  
Part Berserk and part Outcast, and loyal to no end.

 _G_ is for _Grimbeard the Ghastly_ , the great pirate king,  
Who regretted his choices and then scattered ten Things.

 _H_ is for _Hiccup Horrendous Haddock_ , First, Second, and Third,  
Each spoke Dragonese and sought to better his world.

 _I_ is for _ice_ , like winter's Wrath of Thor,  
Once the Doomfang swam beneath, biding his time for a cure.

 _J_ is for _jealousy_ , Snotface Snotlout's greatest vice,  
It wound its claws around his heart and nearly stole his life.

 _K_ is for the _King's Lost Things_ \- of course, Toothless is the best,  
Find and bring them to Tomorrow to be crowned King of the Wilderwest.

 _L_ is for the _Land_ , the one that doesn't exist,  
Where grows the mythic potato, discovered by the chief Hysteric.

 _M_ is for the _Meathead Public Library_ , not so public after all,  
Woe betide you if you ever find yourself browsing through its halls.

 _N_ is for _Norbert the Nutjob_ , and his dual axe of fate,  
He gave his Papa a proper Viking funeral a little bit too late.

 _O_ is for _Old Wrinkly_ , Hiccup's soothsaying grandad,  
Though the future is fuzzy, and he's often mistaken, he isn't half bad.

 _P_ is for _Patience_ , for that is what he has to have,  
Between Arrogance and Innocence, where most people find themselves at.

 _Q_ is for _Quests_ , on which all Viking heroes embark,  
Their suicidal bravery is what really sets them apart.

 _R_ is for the _Romans,_ with their gladiator games,  
Who enjoy feeding children to Sharkworms after a devastating rain.

 _S_ is for the _Slavemark_ , taking freedom away,  
The Dragonmark once more, it has become again a symbol of change.

 _T_ is for _T-T-Toothless_ , the naughty "Toothless Daydream",  
Whose small size hides that he is very much more than he seems.

 _U_ is for _UG_ , protective chief Uglithug,  
Who wants the perfect Fiance for his daughter Tantrum.

 _V_ is for _Vallhallarama,_ Stoick's wife and Hiccup's mom,  
She is over it now, but she one had a thing for Humongously Hotshot.

 _W_ is for _Windwalker_ , and for the _Wodensfang_ ,  
Two loyal dragons who love their Hiccup, and dare to hope once again.

 _X_ is for _Exellinor_ , that truly nasty witch,  
Though he's dreadfully mean, she's even worse than her son, that treacherous Alvin.

 _Y_ is for _yelling_ , what Gobber the Belch does best,  
Dressed in his teeny-weeny hairy shorts and his small fur vest.

 _Z_ is for _Ziggerastica_ , center of the universe,  
With a pompous way and haughty gaze, he (nearly) always puts himself first.

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 **A/N: That was ridiculously fun to write!**

 **(Also, I know that Excellinor doesn't actually start with X, but it sounds like "X", and it's all but impossible to find something that starts with that blasted letter. Plus, I needed to put Excellinor in there (and she really, properly gives me the creeps, I might add), but I didn't want to put her for E because I had to pay tribute to Eggingarde. That little Northern Warrior who grew up in slavery broke my heart!)**

 **I'm thinking about putting up another story or even adding a chapter to this one that does the ABCs of the movies, if you're interested. :) Please let me know what you thought, and I will be - finally - updating some of my other stories very soon!**

 **~Emachinescat ^..^**


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